Help Me Spend My Time Well

Where do I fit in? I sat blankly in front of my computer, staring at the countless job openings on my screen. The more I searched for a career, the more that fear and doubt crept into my mind. Demeaning questions in my head made me doubt my ability to thrive in a working environment. Questions such as: Who do you think you are? Why would any of these places want to hire you?

I began to question my identity due to the thoughts and questions that were wreaking havoc within me. I had been out of the workforce for eight years to stay home with my babies. Before that, my work experience was spotty at best due to hopping from place to place, thanks to the military lifestyle. No matter how much I beefed up my resume with volunteer experiences or admirable word choices, it lacked luster. On paper, I looked flakey, bouncing from job to job and then to nothing. If I am doubting myself by looking at this measly piece of paper, chances are my potential employers are thinking the same.

While trying to decide where God wants me, I started praying for God to open a door. "Lord, please open a door and allow me to get an interview. I know I can share my story about being a military wife and explain why my resume has so many gaps. Please, God open a door."

I exhausted this prayer. I spent most days searching for jobs, applying, or being automatically rejected. There were no interviews, and defeat was an understatement. The number of tears shed for jobs that, quite frankly, would have been miserable is now humorous. Praise the Lord that His plans are far greater than my own and His no's are just as good as His yes's.

The one thing I got right in this season of searching to find where I fit in was leaning into God. Each morning in my quiet house, before my exhausting job search, I met with the Lord. I opened God's word. I rested in His presence. I shared my job hunt woes with him.

I don't remember the exact moment, but something happened at this time. One day, my prayer shifted. What started as pleading to God - to make a way and open a door turned into something completely different. The new prayer went a little something like this…

• Heavenly Father, I don't know where I fit in or what I am supposed to be doing, but you do. I trust you. I'm nervous, Lord. I have all this time on my hands and want to do something with it. I want to be intentional with my time. Father, help me spend my time well. Amen.

I prayed this prayer for a week while continuing my search for the perfect job, but you know what happened? I didn't find one. Not one that I was looking for, at least. In a matter of a week, a ministry I was volunteering for as a content writer contacted me and asked if I would like to become their assistant editor. (If I had a vision board, this would be pinned to the top as a dream job.)

I told them I would pray about it, but with 100% certainty, I knew that this was God. This role was the answer to my prayer. I didn't look for this position. I didn't beef my resume up to win someone over. God provided this opportunity to use me right where I was, doing exactly what I love to do.

What's more, God wasn't finished yet. A week later, a role within our church as the military ministry leader dropped into my lap. It wasn't something I was looking for, nor would it have been something I would have volunteered for due to fear of failure, but God. He knew exactly where I needed to be; it wasn't a 9-5 remote position.

My Heavenly Father never ceases to amaze me. The doors He continues to open shape me into who He has created me to be. I pray that His blessings never rank in precedence over Him. Every word, every piece of content, every book, I trust that it's God who is working in me and through me. He is a God who hears me. He knows the depths of my soul. He is a God who answers our prayers (the yeses and the nos), and He is a God who provides.

If your prayers are met with consistent no's, it may be time to shift your prayer and trust that His way is perfect. It took me a while to figure that out, and chances are I will have to relearn the lesson sometime in the future. Until then, my prayer will be, God, help me spend my time well.

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