Failures That Refine

Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for Me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!” John 13:38

I sat mesmerized as I watched the lady on YouTube create a beautiful mosaic out of broken dishes.  At the beginning of the video, the camera zoomed in on a box of chipped, broken dishes. My immediate thought was that this box full of useless pieces belonged in the trash!  However, this artist took each fractured piece from the box, broke them into even smaller pieces, and began to glue them onto a board in an organized manner.  In a short while, I saw those colorful yet jagged, broken pieces – those fragments which I would have thrown in the trash – transform into an amazing masterpiece. From trash to treasure! Watching this artist work reminded me of a story from the Bible where Jesus takes a very broken man and transforms him into treasure. The man is named Peter.

On the night of the Passover, Jesus announces to His disciples that one of them will betray Him.  Upon hearing this news, Peter staunchly announces to the Lord that it would certainly not be him (Matt. 26:33). Matter of fact, Peter goes a step further and boldly proclaims to Jesus, “Even if I have to die with You, I will never disown You” (Matt. 26:35). Jesus quickly rebukes Peter and tells him that he will, in fact, deny Him three times before the rooster crows that very day (Matt 26:34).

Now, I can’t imagine what went through Peter’s mind at that very moment, but gathering from Peter’s boldness in the past, I am guessing that he thought too highly of himself and his unwavering loyalty to Jesus to think that he was even remotely capable of denying his Master and Lord!

However, fast forward a few hours, and what do we see?  We see Peter doing exactly what Jesus had predicted… denying that he knows Jesus.  Not once.  Not twice.  But three times. At the third denial, Peter hears the rooster crow, and immediately Jesus’s words resonate in his mind.  At once, Peter breaks down and weeps bitterly (Matt 26:75, Mark 14:72, Luke 22:62).

Peter… the man once known for his strength and boldness… the man who was the first to proclaim that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of the Living God (Matt. 16:16)… the man who walked on the water with his eyes focused on Jesus (Matt. 14:22). Now here he was denying that he had any association with Jesus!  What went wrong?  What had happened to “Cephas”, the rock, the one upon whom Jesus said He would build His church (John 1:42, Matt. 16:18)?

Out of human fear, Peter had failed. Oh, how the mighty had fallen!  Protecting his own life, he had denied the One who could save it.  Peter, the one who had such faith in himself and his abilities, had sorely disappointed himself and his Lord… and Jesus knew it (Luke 22:61).  Peter was a broken man (Matt. 26:75).

Can’t we all relate to Peter?  I know I can.  How many times have I overestimated myself and my own abilities only to fail at exactly what I thought was my strength?  How many times have I failed the Lord, afraid to speak up for Him in a conversation with an unbeliever or afraid to share a testimony of His goodness in my life?  How many times have I chosen to remain quiet rather than sharing some much-needed truth with someone who’s heading down the wrong spiritual path?  Oh, why is it that I don’t do what I want to do but I do what I hate? (Romans 7:15)  I am such a failure!  I have disappointed my Jesus so many times!  Why doesn’t He just do away with me?

Did Peter experience those same kinds of thoughts as I have? Were the memories of his failures consuming him?  Did he believe that he had blown it for good with Jesus? Did he believe that there was no returning to God’s good graces?  Did the thoughts of his failure make him doubt the entire trajectory of his path for life, causing him to believe that that he was no longer able to be used for the upbuilding of God’s Kingdom?  I don’t know.  But we can deduct much about Peter’s mindset in the last chapter of the Gospel of John.

After Jesus’s death and resurrection, we see that Peter, even after witnessing in-person the resurrected Jesus, is out on the Sea of Galilee returning to his old profession… fishing.  He is back doing what he used to do before Jesus commanded him to be a fisher of men. But yet, even on this particular fishing trip, we see Peter experiencing more failure because after an entire night of fishing, he and his friends had still not caught a single fish. Failure upon failure.  This broken man is being broken even more.  Thoughts of defeat must have been consuming Peter.  I have failed as Jesus’s disciple.  Now I’m failing as a fisherman.

But then Jesus shows up.  The resurrected Jesus is searching out Peter.  And we can see that Peter, in the very depths of his heart, is secretly searching for Him.  Not able to allow himself to wait for the boats to be rowed in to shore, Peter dives from the boat and swims vigorously to his Savior (John 21:7-8).  He is eager for restoration and renewal.

Can’t we all relate?  After periods of trouble and distress, don’t we long for peace and restoration?  When we’ve hit rock bottom by our wrong choices, we seek a way out, but we somehow can’t pull ourselves out by our own accord.  We must realize that Jesus is the only way out.  I think it is safe to say that Peter had hit rock bottom, and right on time, Jesus shows up. Jesus loved Peter so much not to leave him in that lowly, desperate place.

Not only did Jesus meet Peter’s physical need by providing a miraculous catch of fish that morning (John 21:6), but most of all, He restored him spiritually.  Jesus knew that Peter, humbled by his failures, needed personal and public affirmation to be able to move forward.  In this tender heart-to-heart conversation, Peter was able to confirm to Jesus that even in the midst of his weakness and failure that he loved his Savior dearly.  Lovingly, Jesus reinstated Peter.   After this interaction with Jesus and Peter, we find Peter, a new, but humbled man,  going forward to transform the world for Christ, playing a fundamental role in the spreading Christianity to the world after Christ’s resurrection.

I think we can learn three big lessons from Peter’s story here.

1. God never leaves His children stuck in a place of shame.  Because of Jesus’s resurrection, victory is ours! (1 Cor. 15:57).  We must be intentional to remember that Jesus did not come to this world to condemn us but to save us (John 13:17), and upon His blessed forgiveness, we can live lives free of shame and guilt (Romans 10:11).

2. Our effectiveness for the Lord does not depend upon our sense of competence or our record of success. In His blessed mercy, God often allows us to experience situations that strip us of our self-sufficiency so we can, firsthand, recognize and heed our exceedingly great dependence upon Him.

3. God can use our failures as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block.  From Peter’s example, we can see that God turns brokenness into beauty! So, don’t stay in that place of defeat.  Seek forgiveness from the Lord when you have failed Him, get up, dust yourself off, and get back to the work He has called you to!

Dear friend, keep enduring for Christ.  In His beautiful sovereignty, He can use your faults and mistakes for His glory.  As broken vessels, our flaws and failures make us more receptive to the Lord’s grace and mercy, and that in turn, makes us better conduits of His grace and mercy to a broken world.  God doesn’t define us by our failures, but instead, He  uses them to refine us.

Emily Byrd

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